“Um…Ya!” Most people are thinking, and a few others are probably thinking, “Well…I thought so until now. Thanks!” Now don’t start going through pants pockets and checking cell phone records, I don’t exactly mean this the way it sounds. Here is what I mean.
I deal A LOT with relationships and relationship questions in my line of work. It is one of the top three most popular subjects. Yet I am amazed most of the time of a reoccurring problem. People fighting about the same thing over and over and OVER again!!! Usually it stems from the same problem. You would like to think that your significant other is this person that you have conjured up in your head so you get really ticked off when they act differently.
Let me give you an example. I know someone that has a boyfriend who is a slime ball when it comes to women. He stares at them constantly whether she is in his presence or not. This has been going on from the day that they met, until now, years later. He has not, and will not, ever change. As this relationship has progressed somehow in her head she has started to believe that he is different then who he really is. She sees him for who she wants him to be. So when they fight what do you think their #1 fight is about? Staring at other women. Hmmmm……imagine that!
Now I have a very different take on this. He did not hide this in the beginning and he does not hide it now. He is the same slime ball now as he was when they first met. So what has changed? On his part, nothing, on her part, her perception. She wants him to be different, so that is how she views him in her head. So she continues to argue her point on why he should not do this particular thing. On the flip side, if she just understood and accepted that this is a part of his personality and make her decision to be with him, or not be with him, accordingly, there would be a lot less fighting. In other words, if you are choosing to stay with someone despite their flaws, stop making a big deal out of it every single time that this particular flaw comes out!! If it is too overwhelming and you can’t take it, then leave! You will most likely, contrary to popular belief, find someone else to be in a relationship with and not grow old alone. If you choose to stay in your relationship (key word here is CHOOSE), then get over it! Find a way to make peace with it. See your partner for who they really are and stay or don’t stay based on that image. Do not make up an image in your head of who you would like them to be then punish them when they don’t measure up, that is just silly! It makes no sense whatsoever! More often then your partner has some very good qualities that are being greatly overshadowed by the bad. For instance that same boyfriend has never had an affair, he is a good provider, a good father, etc. But she cannot seem to make peace with this particular issue and it is causing their relationship to be in great turmoil most of the time. Ahhhh….just what every person hopes for!
Now I am definitely not saying that he is in the right (I would have left a loooooong time ago). But this obviously wasn’t a complete “deal breaker” for her, so she has stuck around. Now everyone’s situation is different and what I would like you to understand is the power that you hold over the “peace level” in your relationship.
The major point here is you have a choice, a choice to stay in a relationship or a choice not to. Regardless of if your significant other is a complete and total jerk in all aspects, mostly good, or mostly bad, if you are choosing to stay make it as stress free on yourself as possible. In fact try and make it down right enjoyable! The most amazing feeling in the world is to be completely and totally loved for who you are flaws and all! I know that you wish this for yourself, why would anyone (including your partner) want anything different?
So take a minute, and really SEE your significant other for who they are. If you decide to stay, which most of you will, replace your old image with this new one. Then make your peace with it….