Relationship Obsession

People are obsessed….they are obsessed with relationships. If they are not obsessed with their own relationship then they are with other people’s relationships. Take Bella and Edward in Twilight for instance, people are obsessed with their relationship and it is not even real! But, it is fun and it is passionate and everything you wish for in a relationship. You can just feel the intensity between the characters illuminating from the movie screen into the theater and it feels wonderful! People love to fall in love, they love how it feels. It has become an obsession, and finding a relationship is the way to get there. Then you leave the movie theater and just like that...you are back in the real world! The real world is different. So many people are unhappy with their current relationships status no matter what it is. Your friends, family, co-workers, they all complain. In my line of work relationships are one of the top subjects that people want to discuss. If they are in a relationship then they want to know when it is going to get better, if they are not in a relationship then they want to know when they will be in one, if they have been in one for a long period of time then they are bored and want to get out of one. They are constantly searching for something better.

Relationships are what make the world go round for most people. Now the problem that many people have is they spend more time trying to get in one, or get out of one, than they do trying to make one work. Why is that? I think that people believe that once a commitment is finally made, then comes the easy part and that could not be further for the truth! It is in the middle when it gets difficult, getting in one or out of one is the easy part. Now staying in one….that is the challenge! It’s like relationship boot camp and they do not show that in Twilight!

Here are simple tips to get you through the boot camp phase. They are very common mistakes that people make:

1) A relationship does not give you permission to finally let yourself go. Ahhh, finally! I can eat what I want when I want! This applies to men and women. When you stop getting your hair done, putting on make up, acquiring a beer belly, buying clothes from this decade, your self esteem begins to wither (this has certainly not been a problem with Bella and Edward). KEEP YOUR APPEARANCE UP!!! Not for your significant other, but for YOU!!! When your appearance begins to slide and you begin to feel like a couch potato, you will feel unattractive and you will think that no one else will find you attractive either! This will definitely take a toll on any relationship!! The crazy thing about this is what is the first thing that many people do when a relationship ends? Two words…make over! They loose weight,  go to the gym, get their hair done, buy new clothes, they try and make themselves feel better about their appearance, as they should. But you should always do this, regardless of your relationship status, it is very important! It is important to your self-confidence and your self-esteem. It is sooooo important to feel good about yourself as much as possible, that is attractive!

2) Loosing yourself in your relationship, not a good idea! (This is definitely a mistake that Bella and Edward make, however people tend to overlook this for some reason. Probably because as vampires you are in limited company, soooo this should not apply to the two of them). Many women tend to do this as opposed to men. You become a wife, girlfriend, mother, homemaker, or whatever and suddenly your world tends to revolve around your man. When will they be home, what are they doing, you wait for them and make sure that you are home when they get there. You stop doing the things that you enjoy doing, stop going out with friends, stop hobbies, etc. Now men on the other hand, usually tend to keep on doing the things that they enjoy. Like going out with friends for beers, hunting, fishing or watching sports, they do not stop doing these things to make sure that they hang out with you all of the time, nor should they. Now don't get me wrong, they should not be doing these things all of the time either, there does need to be a balance. If you loose yourself in your relationship two things will happen, your relationship will become very draining first off, and secondly, would you love for your man to be at home waiting for you every single day? Would you enjoy knowing that he was constantly wondering about what you were doing and that his life revolved completely around you? That is too much pressure for anyone and it is not very attractive to be co-dependant. Now you may think that you are just being a good wife or mother, however, you cannot loose yourself completely to these titles or you loose something more precious…yourself as a person!

3) Nit picking at every little thing. Now men and women are both equally guilty of this and there is usually one in every relationship. (Bella and Edward have not made it this far, as that would not make for a very good movie). This is when you become the mother or father of your significant other, ick! The funny thing is no one ever seems to notice that they do this. Pick up your shoes, shut the door, you shouldn’t eat that, didn’t you do that already, why are you going there, why did you do that? OMG! Really I hear people do this ALL OF THE TIME! Pay more attention to what I like to call the "parent complex" because I promise you this will put a damper on your relationship and most certainly your sex life. Some things you just have to let go, you do not need to give your opinion on every little thing. Especially if it is to tell your partner what a stupid idea something is. For one week pay attention to this behavior and see if you would be nit picking in the same way if you were trying to date the same person. I can guarantee that you wouldn’t. Even if they bug you and you have been together for a long time, people deserve to be treated with respect and nit picking is not respectful.

4) Holding your partner responsible for your happiness. Now this is a tricky one, but it is definitely an important one. How would you like it if your partner’s happiness solely depended on you? If you do feel this way, then you definitely need to reevaluate your relationship because you will never win this battle, ever! If you are feeling unsatisfied or unhappy in life, be careful that you do not automatically blame your partner because this is very common. Your partner feels like a safe place to release stress, so people do it all of the time. You come home after having a bad day and yell, or you are just cranky and you feel like you have a right to feel this way, and you do. Just do not take it out on your partner, because that is not fair. People need to take more responsibility for their own happiness, because it is a choice. You are responsible for your own happiness, period!

5) Holding on to the past! Many, many times couples have fought through some very turbulent times in their relationship and have stayed together. This is actually more common then you might realize. A lot of the time you learn from those events, you can grow closer and have a very successful relationship. However, some of the time you might think that you can move forward after a rough patch and things from the past continue to creep to the surface, and as a result, you are miserable! If you have weathered a storm and have choosen to move forward in your relationship and rebuild, it is important to get everything off of your chest, then wipe the slate clean and start over. Imagine demolishing a house that has been through a hurricane, clearing the debris from the land, and then rebuilding it from the foundation up. It is now a brand new house. It might help if you think of your relationship in the same manner and start over, rebuilding as new, from the foundation up. If you cannot wipe the slate clean, however, and the past is always an issue, then your chances are not good at staying together. You can fight the same fight over and over again, it simply will not change the past, but it will certainly define your future.

Make your current relationship your obsession, the longevity of it, not the newness of it. Respect your partner and respect yourself, hold yourself in a high regard, it is the best way to tend to your relationship. Do not put yourself consistently on the back burner to kids, the house or your partner. Not having enough time is not an excuse, because if you do not tend to your relationship, it will become someone else’s obsession.